A year plus since my last post. I hope I know what to start with writing this post. There are so many things I wanted to say in this post. Oh come on Uan, how should you go about this? I hit a mental block. Let’s take a deep breathe and relax for a while.
5 minutes later…
Oh God.. Still Blank!!
5 minutes later..
I got it! Categorisation first! lol..
My Daughter Aria Sheza
My daughter is now 8 years old. She had a birthday celebration a few days ago. She is growing up very fast & I fear of losing this girl to adulthood. I know you know I’m exaggerating a bit here. I take that back. I’m actually exaggerating extremely as adulthood is still many years to come but I can’t argue the fact that the very thought of it gives me heart palpitation without fail every time I think about it. Why does she has to grow up so fast? A question I keep asking myself every time I see her on every weekends.
I still remember the days where she was still a baby sucking on her milk bottle, crying without notice, waking up in the middle of the night, throwing tantrum & you know the the rest of the babies behaviour that you can think of. I kinda missing all this now that I’m thinking about it. haha. NOT!
This year I have enrolled her in a weekly religious class every Saturday at An Nahdhah mosque so that she will be able to learn about and practice on her religion Islam. This will continue every year until she completed her ALIVE programme in years to come. I just hope with the knowledge she gained from the programme, she will be able to grow up as a responsible, respectful and useful person.
My Life Update
Oh gosh, what should I reveal in this post? haha. I’m still single & available! haha. That sounds like an advertisement on myself. Since my last post last year, life has been great for me in everything. Yes. Everything. OK, I lied. hehe. Not everything. Maybe one or two things only.
Let’s talk about my love life. This has got to be an interesting topic for some of you I guess. Well, I have no love life. Haha. OK, I lied again. I had a brief short love life for a few weeks when I dated a girl but it did not turn out well for me. She is very pretty & petite looking girl. Yeah. I like petite looking girl if you gets my drift here. OK, back to topic. I liked her a lot initially but that’s all about it because I lost interest in her after some times & decided to break it off before it gets worst.
So why did I break it off? The girl did nothing wrong so I believed I have a problem with myself. It’s me with a problem. Not her or any of my past dates. Let’s probe further in. I have been single since late 2008 and only started dating around late last year in 2014. It’s been fun dating so far only that it did not last long for all my dates and I’m the one who initiate the break up first. Such an ass am I? But at least I tell them truthfully than playing with their emotions which I feel is more worst to experience for the later.
After a few dates with several people, I come up with a reason that will explain to why I have been unsuccessful in acquiring a love life that I yearn so much all my life. I have been married for 5 years, then divorced and been single for 6 years there after. It’s a simple conclusion. I just prefer to be single than getting attached. Single hood allows me to have all the freedom I want. This may sound just a lame reason to justify my denial on my failures but if you think about it closely, it also says a lot about me running away from committing to a relationship.
I guess my big failure in my past marriage do carry some weights in making me this way. The idea of a failed relationship or marriage do bite me hard & I do fear it if I were to commit to a relationship. I fear of being hurt all over again. I fear a lot of things about relationship. I do not want to go through it again. The heartache is too painful.
So what’s going to happen to me now I know this problem of mine? Well, I just have to leave it to fate. Let HIM decide for me. If I were to overcome this problem with his blessing, then so be it. If not, I take it on myself to live the best I can with or without a love life . I’m willing to accept it and move on. I’m prepared to live alone for the rest of my life.
The Future Planning
What’s in store for me in the future? I don’t know!! haha. Anyway, it’s always good to plan your future. It does not matter if you are able to achieve it or not. At least with a plan, I have a goal in my life so that I won’t go crazy not knowing what to do with my life. So I will break it up in point form below.
- Find love life & build a family if Allah s.w.t permits it.
- Buy a house apartment (will explain in future post)
- Own a business (will explain in future post)
- To lose weight to 60kg (haha. Will explain in future post)
- To maintain a healthy lifestyle (will explain in future post)
- Pursue higher education in own interest (will explain in future post)
- Perform pilgrimage at Mecca if Allah s.w.t permits it.
That’s all about it. My future plans/goals for the next few years. I should be busy trying to achieve those goals. So I will end this here. See you in my next post.