Uan’s Life Update in 2015

A year plus since my last post. I hope I know what to start with writing this post. There are so many things I wanted to say in this post. Oh come on Uan, how should you go about this? I hit a mental block. Let’s take a deep breathe and relax for a while.

5 minutes later…

Oh God.. Still Blank!!

5 minutes later..

I got it! Categorisation first! lol..

My Daughter Aria Sheza

My daughter is now 8 years old. She had a birthday celebration a few days ago. She is growing up very fast & I fear of losing this girl to adulthood. I know you know I’m exaggerating a bit here. I take that back. I’m actually exaggerating extremely as adulthood is still many years to come but I can’t argue the fact that the very thought of it gives me heart palpitation without fail every time I think about it. Why does she has to grow up so fast? A question I keep asking myself every time I see her on every weekends.

10313013_10208431457289693_8651240126456695978_nI still remember the days where she was still a baby sucking on her milk bottle, crying without notice, waking up in the middle of the night, throwing tantrum & you know the the rest of the babies behaviour that you can think of. I kinda missing all this now that I’m thinking about it. haha. NOT!

This year I have enrolled her in a weekly religious class every Saturday at An Nahdhah mosque so that she will be able to learn about and practice on her religion Islam. This will continue every year until she completed her ALIVE programme in years to come. I just hope with the knowledge she gained from the programme, she will be able to grow up as a responsible, respectful and useful person.

My Life Update

Oh gosh, what should I reveal in this post? haha. I’m still single & available! haha. That sounds like an advertisement on myself. Since my last post last year, life has been great for me in everything. Yes. Everything. OK, I lied. hehe. Not everything. Maybe one or two things only.

Let’s talk about my love life. This has got to be an interesting topic for some of you I guess. Well, I have no love life. Haha. OK, I lied again. I had a brief short love life for a few weeks when I dated a girl but it did not turn out well for me. She is very pretty & petite looking girl. Yeah. I like petite looking girl if you gets my drift here. OK, back to topic. I liked her a lot initially but that’s all about it because I lost interest in her after some times & decided to break it off before it gets worst.

So why did I break it off? The girl did nothing wrong so I believed I have a problem with myself. It’s me with a problem. Not her or any of my past dates. Let’s probe further in. I have been single since late 2008 and only started dating around late last year in 2014. It’s been fun dating so far only that it did not last long for all my dates and I’m the one who initiate the break up first. Such an ass am I? But at least I tell them truthfully than playing with their emotions which I feel is more worst to experience for the later.

After a few dates with several people, I come up with a reason that will explain to why I have been unsuccessful in acquiring a love life that I yearn so much all my life. I have been married for 5 years, then divorced and been single for 6 years there after. It’s a simple conclusion. I just prefer to be single than getting attached. Single hood allows me to have all the freedom I want. This may sound just a lame reason to justify my denial on my failures but if you think about it closely, it also says a lot about me running away from committing to a relationship.

I guess my big failure in my past marriage do carry some weights in making me this way. The idea of a failed relationship or marriage do bite me hard & I do fear it if I were to commit to a relationship. I fear of being hurt all over again. I fear a lot of things about relationship.  I do not want to go through it again. The heartache is too painful.

So what’s going to happen to me now I know this problem of mine? Well, I just have to leave it to fate. Let HIM decide for me. If I were to overcome this problem with his blessing, then so be it. If not, I take it on myself to live the best I can with or without a love life . I’m willing to accept it and move on. I’m prepared to live alone for the rest of my life.

The Future Planning

10636302_10205804398574867_2769372400278629004_nWhat’s in store for me in the future? I don’t know!! haha. Anyway, it’s always good to plan your future. It does not matter if you are able to achieve it or not. At least with a plan, I have a goal in my life so that I won’t go crazy not knowing what to do with my life. So I will break it up in point form below.

  • Find love life & build a family if Allah s.w.t permits it. :-)
  • Buy a house apartment (will explain in future post)
  • Own a business (will explain in future post)
  • To lose weight to 60kg (haha. Will explain in future post)
  • To maintain a healthy lifestyle (will explain in future post)
  • Pursue higher education in own interest  (will explain in future post)
  • Perform pilgrimage at Mecca if Allah s.w.t permits it.

That’s all about it. My future plans/goals for the next few years. I should be busy trying to achieve those goals. So I will end this here. See you in my next post.

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Disappointment Feelings as She Grows Up

The feeling of disappointments seems to be frequent nowadays for me. As she grows up, my disappointments gets bigger than the previous ones. What am I talking about? Well, don’t get me wrong here. I love my only daughter very much. I’m not disappointed at my cutie pie daughter but rather disappointed on the activities we try to do together.

Let me explain further. As you know, being a single weekend dad, many of the activities I want to do with my cutie Sheza are being shared with her mommy & step dad.  Whenever I want to do a particular activity with her, I have to check with her mommy first if she going do the same activity with Sheza. If I don’t check with her, it’s going be a duplicate activity for Sheza.

Let me give an example. Let’s say I want to watch a movie with my kiddo. If I watch the movie, my Sheza can’t watch it with her mommy because she has seen it with me. Or if there is an exhibition that I go to see with her, her mommy can’t go with her. It’s much worst during school holidays with all those limited time shows. Imagined what her mommy & me have to go through just to spend time with our cutie pie daugther.

I’m fair to her mommy by taking turns on doing activities (movies/exhibitions/etcs) with Sheza. It’s a fair arrangement but there’s a problem especially kids movies. They don’t come out very often & having to share the limited kids movies amongst us disappoints us quite often. Why can’t they just produce more kids movies & not disappoint us the daddies & mommy? Hahaha..

Another latest scenerio is the upcoming disney on ice show. I was planning to go with Sheza during the upcoming school holiday. Sheza told me she wants to watch it with me. I said okay & we will go watch the show during the holiday but now I can’t because her mommy wants to surprise & bring Sheza to the show. I have to be fair to her mommy so I give in as I had my turn already on the The Lego Movie.

Fair is fair but I feel disappointed & sad for not able to go to the show with Sheza . I know her mommy will feel the same thing also if she can’t bring sheza to the show. So I can’t blame her mommy. I just hate this kind of situation when it occurs. I can’t think of any solution to lessen the disappointment feelings.

Being a single weekend dad, I know I have take it on my stride. I have no choice but to accept it. This is my life as a single dad. It’s a sucky feelings to have. No matter how much you try to accept all this, there’s still that sucky feelings & new problems will still pop up.It just won’t go away. My dear married friends with kids, please hold on to your marriage no matter what because it’s a very difficult life to go through as a single dad or mom. Emotionally you will be crushed again & again. It has been like that kind of life for me so far..

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