Disappointment Feelings as She Grows Up

The feeling of disappointments seems to be frequent nowadays for me. As she grows up, my disappointments gets bigger than the previous ones. What am I talking about? Well, don’t get me wrong here. I love my only daughter very much. I’m not disappointed at my cutie pie daughter but rather disappointed on the activities we try to do together.

Let me explain further. As you know, being a single weekend dad, many of the activities I want to do with my cutie Sheza are being shared with her mommy & step dad.  Whenever I want to do a particular activity with her, I have to check with her mommy first if she going do the same activity with Sheza. If I don’t check with her, it’s going be a duplicate activity for Sheza.

Let me give an example. Let’s say I want to watch a movie with my kiddo. If I watch the movie, my Sheza can’t watch it with her mommy because she has seen it with me. Or if there is an exhibition that I go to see with her, her mommy can’t go with her. It’s much worst during school holidays with all those limited time shows. Imagined what her mommy & me have to go through just to spend time with our cutie pie daugther.

I’m fair to her mommy by taking turns on doing activities (movies/exhibitions/etcs) with Sheza. It’s a fair arrangement but there’s a problem especially kids movies. They don’t come out very often & having to share the limited kids movies amongst us disappoints us quite often. Why can’t they just produce more kids movies & not disappoint us the daddies & mommy? Hahaha..

Another latest scenerio is the upcoming disney on ice show. I was planning to go with Sheza during the upcoming school holiday. Sheza told me she wants to watch it with me. I said okay & we will go watch the show during the holiday but now I can’t because her mommy wants to surprise & bring Sheza to the show. I have to be fair to her mommy so I give in as I had my turn already on the The Lego Movie.

Fair is fair but I feel disappointed & sad for not able to go to the show with Sheza . I know her mommy will feel the same thing also if she can’t bring sheza to the show. So I can’t blame her mommy. I just hate this kind of situation when it occurs. I can’t think of any solution to lessen the disappointment feelings.

Being a single weekend dad, I know I have take it on my stride. I have no choice but to accept it. This is my life as a single dad. It’s a sucky feelings to have. No matter how much you try to accept all this, there’s still that sucky feelings & new problems will still pop up.It just won’t go away. My dear married friends with kids, please hold on to your marriage no matter what because it’s a very difficult life to go through as a single dad or mom. Emotionally you will be crushed again & again. It has been like that kind of life for me so far..

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Cutie Pie Aria Sheza New Chapter in Life

It’s been a while since I last wrote my last entry in this blog, more than 2 years to be exact. My little girl is all grown up now. She’s in primary 1 this year & what a change it has been for us. Her mommy has since remarried last December & Sheza is now staying with them in their new home.

So how do I feel about all this changes? Seriously I don’t know. I’m at lost most of the time since my ex-wife got remarried.

Let’s leave this self-pity story of myself aside for another entry in the near future. I’m supposed to write about my daughter, her primary 1 experience to date & her difficulties in adapting to this new chapter in her life.

She seems to struggle in the first few weeks into her primary one adventure. To date, she has been missing school for a few days already due to high fever & a swollen left face. She complained of nausea every single morning & in some days she vomited after she had her breakfast before going to school. I have no idea if she’s faking it in order not to go to school. She’s a good little girl & since nursery days, she loves going to school & I doubt she faking it. I trust her so much.

In addition, according to her mommy, there’s a change in her behavior as well. She gets agitated, grumpy & cries easily on little minor things. A big change in her behavior is affecting her mommy thus making her to feel helpless & stressful trying to manage my little girl. I’m sympathized my ex for her to go through this changes as well. I can’t be there because I’m a weekend parent but I do feel their struggles in adapting those new changes during weekdays.

I don’t know what I can do to help them both. Her mommy shared with me her problems in dealing with Sheza. All I can do now is just be understanding, be a listening ear for my ex. For Sheza, I can only comfort & talk to her the best I can in finding out what’s been bothering her the past few weeks. When Sheza is with me on weekends, I don’t see any changes in her behavior at all. It’s normal like any other weekends. That’s what makes me puzzle at times. She behaves differently when she’s with her mommy. The only thing I can understand well is that it’s more stressful for both of them during weekdays as it is school days as compared to during weekend. During weekends, Sheza is more relax & enjoys the company of her 2 cousins whom she plays with very often during weekends.

What makes me very sad is I can’t be there during weekdays to comfort my little girl. She’s with her mommy & new papa in her new home. I wish I can reverse the weekdays for me to take care of Sheza but it’s impossible as I live far away from her new home & school. She can’t possibly be waking up at 5am & travel that far to go to school right? Her school is in Toa Payoh & I’m in Woodlands so it’s an impossible solution.

I’ve a plan though, in fact, it’s the only plan I can think of right now. The only way is to get myself my own place in Toa Payoh. However, it will take me a while before I can do that. The Cash-Over-Valuation (COV) in that estate is crazy high!!! I need to prepare that first & it’s going to be a while before I can find the right seller in the estate.

I just hope both their struggles will get better as the weeks goes on. They have to if not I will be worried & sad. Their happiness is my happiness. That’s all that I ever care since day1.

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