Pain. Why is it still there? I’m not talking about the physical pain but rather emotionally. I have tried many things to reduce the pain but it keeps coming back.
The more I tried to ignore it, the worst it get. I think I’m the most emotional guy in this planet. Haha. I’ve been living alone in this flat for more than a year & still have not overcome the pain of the divorce. Looks like it is going to take a longer period of time to heal this crushed heart of mine.
Keeping myself busy with work doesn’t help at all. I got more tired & by the time I reach home from work, I felt so empty. I miss those days where I reach home & able to see my beloved family waiting for me & whatever tiredness in me will be gone the moment I see them.
All these are symptoms of loneliness. I’m not denying it at all & have been battling it since day one way back in late 2008. It’s just that I’m frustrated at having this pain. I was hoping that someday it will go away or reduce after some time. But NO! it did not reduce one bit! It keeps coming back again & again.
I’m begining to worry about my mental health. I’m sure that having bad mental health can lead to some disastrous physical health after some time. I may be wrong about this though but it’s a worry which I cannot take for granted.
I think my problem is that I’m not happy with my life. I tried to be happy doing things that I like but that lasted for a short while only. It’s not permanent. Everytime I’m not happy, I will look back at my old happy life with my family & then reassured myself that the happy life is gone forever now.
I believed that there is a way to overcome this. For once, I have to admit that putting away all the old pictures/albums of me & ex together away into a sealed box will do good for myself. This box will then to be put somewhere in one corner & to be open once a year for memory sake. The purpose of opening the box once a year is because I want it to remind me how it feels like to have a family. As I mentioned before that I don’t intend to have another family anymore (keeping my promise made to my ex-wife when I married her).
Tags: Uanz's Life
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